Posted by Elodie on November 05 2009 at 11:27:17:
In Reply to: maybe I want advice, maybe I just want you to say posted by Elodie on November 03 2009 at 10:34:52:
Thank you so much, everyone, for all your encouragement and advice.
I think the one thing that stands out for me is the suggestion that I scale him back to one week at a time. That is probably just the ticket, because I never thought of it maybe making him feel hopeless, if you know what I mean? Like, "There is so much to do, and I will never do it, I might just do nothing," etc. The ability to see things in baby steps that add up is probably not developmentally-appropriate for a 10-year-old boy.
There is a homeschooler in our neighborhood who has four boys -- three of them in this 8-12 age category -- and when I asked her what she thought, she looked at me like I had two heads and kind of archly told me she had never had that kind of problem. It didn´t make me feel good, though I was able to salve myself with the knowledge that at least I have a clean house, lol, which speaks indirectly to something that -- Amy -- you brought up, which is that maybe if I did not have such a full schedule of accomplishments to attend that I might be more relaxed about him being so undermotivated.
But thank you so much for all of your words, because it is helpful to hear that this is not abnormal, and also that children who used to be like this are no longer. One of the things we have to struggle with, discipline-wise -- especially with him, for he has little self-regulation, but a ton of will -- is that the way with him is to back off, not crank down. Because otherwise we wind up in a tedious & ongoing conflict with him & no one can remember what it was about or why we thought it was important. He forces me a lot to remember that there are two sides to every story, and maybe one day he will come to see mine. Is that all we hope for as parents? Lol. Thanks again.